Diluted Hopes
by deanashmita
Summary: What happens when the new-couple-on-the-block hit a rock bottom? Do they fight for each other? Or give in to the wishes of others? Everyone knows that a Slytherin is not to be trusted. Yet, she trusted him and loved him. Maybe just too much for her own good.


DILUTED HOPES.  
>I opened the door slowly, trying not to make a sound Through that gap, I peered in, and there she was sitting there. More like crouching. She was sitting on one corner of the bed, with her legs hugged tightly, close to her chest. Her head was bowed down and her once shiny brunette curls were a mess. I tip-toed inside and it was only then that I realized why she was crouched. Her shoulders shook with very sob which her were muffled by her arms. I thought maybe after what had happened, after all that had transpired, things would have been easy. Yet here I am.<p>

She wore the same casuals from that day. I wonder if she even got up from the bed. But then again, she must have. Last time I came to check in, she was lying down on the opposite side of the bed. The food in the room was untouched. Does she plan to starve herself? Eventually she needs to eat something, otherwise, it won't do good to her health. Every single day I wonder what my best friend did to her to break her down like this.

Her mistake was that she loved him too much easily. Damn all Gryffinders and damn their ability of seeing good in everyone! Everyone knows that a slytherin is not meant to be trusted, and yet she did. She trusted him too much. She loved him too much. Slytherins are cowards, and its been proved from time to time. This time, too, was no exception. When it came to fighting something, or facing a difficult situation, the first thing we do is run in the opposite direction. At this moment, even I am applying the same technique. I don't want to face her. I don't want to answer her questions about him. I don't want to see her tear streaked face. It hurts, it hurts too much. Hence, I'm standing by the wall, watching Hermione  
>Granger unfold.<p>

He is my best friend, and a shitty one that too. I mean, who leaves a girl like Hermione!? She deserves all the wordly happiness. At one point thought that he will be able to give that. As a matter of fact, he did. He gave her everything that he could. No grand gestures though, but small things that Hermione liked and preferred. He had the ability to make her smile when she felt down. He understood her, unlike the dumb head Weasel. It scared me to see such a candid relationship like theirs. It scared me because I would never get a relationship like them. Only the blessed ones have a relationship like theirs. They knew each other to the core. Even though lying, without getting caught was one of his great achievements, to Hermione, he would always get caught. He left many of his bad habits because of Granger, and I thank her for that. No one on this entire earth was able to get rid of his habitual drinking, but in a month of their friendship, Granger had accomplished that. I have never seen Draco to be truly happy. Kind of figured out that the scowl had become permanent on his face. Yet, the time when he was with her, time and time again he would laugh and in that laughter, his happiness would be evident. Physical intimacy was a must for Draco Malfoy, in any relationship. There were times, he said he wasn't comfortable with the girls that he previously went out with. But, if one carefully watches this duo, they'll be able to gauge their comfort level immediately. I don't  
>know whether or how much physically intimate they were. Their lips were always shut about this matter. Yet I feel that tinge of blush on Hermione's cheeks on few occasions, told the entire story.<p>

Hermione always said that he was incorrigible, and the most complicated person on earth, but he was beautiful, completely messed up and utterly beautiful and according to her it was inexplicable. From our years of friendship, I knew that Draco felt the same, but as in his nature, he wouldn't say and word. According to me, their relationship was beautiful and an ideal one. I'll always crave for a relationship like theirs, even though I know it will never be possible.  
>Hermione is a kind of girl, who doesn't take things for granted. Thus its natural for her to feel insecure. I don't remember the number of times these two have fought over this. Often she would cry to me over these matters. I just simply reassured her that Draco loved her. He did. I don't doubt him on that, but I just think he should have fought harder for her.<p>

I still distinctively remember the day when she called me upup using her muggle device, crying her lungs out. She poured her heart out. Apparently, Draco's father, Mr. Malfoy had got to know about their relationship. Draco had often expressed his concern over what would happen if his parents came to know. It's only just, he didn't think it would happen so fast. I just know, from Blaise, that Draco was beaten up very badly. But does that really mean that he would  
>completely give up on the relationship? Does it mean that he would give up on Hermione? Every one knows Hermione to be a strong girl. She is the one that held The Golden Trio together in the worst of times. Yet, if anyone stood in the room, beside me, they wouldn't believe that it was Hermione Granger on the bed. I feel that it is a matter to be concerned about. Her health has considerably detoriated. She hasn't spoken to any of her friends. She just claims that they'll hurt him if they get to know. Everyone is the wizardingworld knew about the rivalry between Harry and Ron, and, Draco. The rivalry just aggravated ever since Hermione started dating him. No fists were ever thrown. None of them wanted to be at the receiving end of Hermione's wrath. Hence the situation was more like a cold war. Even though they despise me, I'm their only means to get to Hermione. Their concern for her is a borderline scary, but then again, I guess that's the bond that hold them togther. The first time when she spoke to me, Hermione was a blubbering mess. The smart, confident, strong woman was gone, instead there was this heart broken child, who did not know what to do with her life. Gone was woman who was proud of her relationship with Draco, instead in front of me stood, a small, fragile, vulnerable child who just seemed to be lost. So lost that she couldn't find her way home. Lost enough to start doubting every single moment that she ever spent with him. She took the entire blame on herself. She believed that it was because of her that relationship didn't last. It ended because she didn't try hard enough, because she didn't fight hard for it. I wonder why I never felt anything of this sort when my past relationships never worked out. I guess, I really was the Ice-Queen of<br>Hogwarts.

For me it's different. I hold Draco responsible. He made a commitment to her, a commitment to be with her when she needs him the most. A commitment to stay with her no matter what the circumstances are. Her heart cries for him and wants to ask him to come back, where as her mind vehemently says no. If you ask me how I know this, I'll just say no matter how cold I am, I am still a girl in my heart. I know she thinks that the entire parents-getting-to-know incident was farce. She is just trying to convince herself that Draco ended the relationship with her because he fell out of love with her. Or rather, fell in love with someone else, since nowadays, the news tabloids are busy covering the possibility of Asteria  
>Greengrass becoming the next Mrs. Malfoy. I, myself am starting to doubt the validity of that entire story that Draco fed us.<p>

I know him. I know that if he wants something, then he won't sit still until he has his hands on it Hermione seemed like that object of fascination for Draco. He even told us that he won't let go of Hermione. Ever. But when the time came, he gave up to easily. He didn't fight hard. If he did, I know Hermione would have been there beside him, to be his rock. I'm tired of asking myself the same questions again and again – did he not love her enough? If he did, then why did he give up? And even if he didn't, why did he pretend as if he did? Why did he give Hermione so much of hope about them? If he  
>knew that his parents won't accept their relationship, then why did he get into one? What did he gain by hurting her so much?<p>

I remember, her saying that, her heart felt numb, that she felt numb. It was as if a huge part of her soul had been forcefully taken away, and she could not stop it. All feelings had gone out for a vacation and the only one felt behind was Pain. Her brain did not register anything, but all it thought about was him. It was always him. His face, his hair, the smell of his after shave, his warmth, his presence. He refused to leave her thoughts, her soul. It was as if he was imprinted on her soul for forever, and the only way to remove that imprint was to remove her that she wanted to do was to stay alone and perhaps cry herself to sleep. Pushing people away from her lives will not help her. All we – Harry, Ron and me want to do is to help her. Help her come out of this nightmare and make her believe that it's possible for her to dream again. Then again, it will only be possible if she allows us. Like everyone else she needs a blanket to provide that security and warmth to her. Shutting us out and coiling up like a ball on the bed won't help her. I don't know when she'll understand this and allow us again in her life. Its at times like this, that I want to beat the shit out of Draco Malfoy!  
>How Draco managed to damage her so much, is beyond me. I just know that he broke her in a way that nobody ever did. He broke her beyond repair. All I know that one day she will feel better, one day she will move on and remove him from her life. One day she'll meet someone else who will treat her better and give her all the happiness that she deserves. I know that someday, she'll learn to dream again, she'll learn to trust again, and most importantly she'll learn to love again.<p>

I don't know when this day will come, when we get Hermione back. Maybe it will come sooner than expect it, or maybe it will come at it's own leisurely pace, but I'm sure that today is not that day. Someday, just not today.

I wrote this story two months ago. It has been published on my blog. But something just prompted me to publish it over here. This story is really close to my heart. It almost describes what I went through 3 months back. At times I still have the same doubts mentioned in the story above. I had to find a way to deal with all the feelings and emotions and the best way that I found was writing. Hence, at 2am at night, I poured my heart out and typed this out.

I hope maybe some of you will get how I felt. That's one reason I'am posting this here. It's difficult to talk about it with the people near me. I feel that they really won't understand what I/ I'm went/going through. I just hope that you people understand it.

So read and let me know how you all feel about it. Comments are much appreciated.  
>And yes, I will publish the next chapter of my story. I will do it soon. :)<p> 


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